Wow, it's been forever XD

I have a horrible weakness for the delectable bits of Manna called dark chocolate-covered espresso beans. A friend of mine came by the office today to surprise me with a whole bucket of them, and he had only barely just set the container down on my desk and I had already lunged upon him like an animal. Grabbing the bucket, his hands (still on the container) and yelping "MINE!!!!!" with wide-eyes. My co-designer Dave had just walked by at that minute, took one glance at me and the espresso beans, and just goes "Oh Jesus...!"

It's now a few hours later. Needless to say, I'm shaking. Like, shaking and chattering and wriggling and I CAN'T SIT STILL. I can't concentrate. I'm doing everything like double-speed, and I'm having trouble sitting in my chair without developing a nervous tap or twitch. I chatter when I talk to people, I type REALLY FRIGGIN' FAST, and I'm all jittery. Jonah is hiding from me and Dave is avoiding me. EEEEeeeeeEEEEEEeEEeeEEEEEEeee

*Super Troopers voice* I'm FREAKIN' OUT MAN!!!!

I love caffeine. Normally I'm completely immune to its effects, but apparently even I have my limits :D :D :D :D

Wow... when it rains, it pours. This has been a rather hell week/weekend. All last week, I was sick as a dog. This past weekend, my pet hermit crab Peanut died. Then just yesterday, I found out that my favorite uncle passed away only a few weeks ago from cancer. I don't know what to think. I'm just numb. I'm getting scared because it's starting to seem like a re-enactment of the 2 months of hell during the February and March of 2003 last year. A year ago this time I also had my previous hermit crabs die, my grandmother had passed away from a debilitating fall that left her in a coma, and I had lost my job, and... just lots of stuff. And now I'm terrified that this year is just starting over full circle. I dunno what to think. I'm just... numb, I guess.

I'm not angry. I'm not mad. I'm... I dunno. I had a good hard cry last night... and I hardly know what I was feeling at the time. A lot of fear and anxiety, I guess. Things are also going on with my career and personal life that are only adding to my stress, and it's... just getting to be a really big bite to take. This entire week and weekend are also going to be chaos, with roommates moving out, new ones moving in, birthday parties up the wazzoo, gifts I need to prepare, and lots of artwork and administrative stuff to do.

I don't know. I guess in some ways you could say I bring it upon myself, but I guess I'm a workaholic because it keeps my mind occupied so I don't spend all my days dwelling upon worries and events that just keep happening. Right now I don't know what to feel. I really don't, and it's very alien to me. I feel like I'm just going on auto-pilot, like everything is still normal and nothing has changed, whereas so much is changing all at once.

NEways, I also wanted to say Thank You to those of you who sent me such adorable Get Well Pictures and words of support from my week of being so sick. They're adorable and they brought a much needed grin to my face during this time :) So thank you, folks. It really meant a lot to know you were thinking of me during all this.

Thanks, guys.